Four Walls

1 Oct

I woke up this morning and opened my eyes. After a minute or two, still lying in bed, I realized I was staring at the wall. The uncertainty of my situation is extreme. It’s going to demand new levels of calm thought and decisive action.

The problem is I was hit with a few big household bills before I left for the coast. The only cash I had on hand was the money I’d set aside to move. It cut deeply into my budget, so now I’m severely under-funded. I have about $1,100 on hand.

I remember reading about babies who are born by Caesarian section – how their psychological makeup is different since they didn’t journey through the birth canal. A baby’s first struggle into the world acts as a kind of preparation for the task of living. In some ways, I feel like I’m making a passage through a birth canal – I can feel the pushing and struggling. I have to have faith that it’s making me stronger.

The main problem I face right now is finding an apartment. If I can do that with the money I have it will be a miracle.

Like Bukowski said, “A man needs those four walls.”

(2005)

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3 Responses to “Four Walls”

  1. paradoxes of today, prejudices of tomorrow October 1, 2012 at 4:55 pm #

    Wow, the usage of language here is remarkable. I like how you make words jolt across the screen.

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